Lights Out!

28 Sep

Leave it to Korea to let me know where I stand in the scheme of things when I’m riding high. Everything was going so well.

I come back from Seoul, sans hangover and dreads freshly twisted, and I walk into my apartment to perhaps the most god awful stench known to mankind–worse than the shit that invades my nostrils why cruising the streets of Busan. Worse than one of my fat students’s kimchi farts after lunch. It was downright horrible.

After thouroughly checking my apartment for a dead animal carcass (which took no time at all considering my place is a studio), I go to flip on the lights and nothing happens. What the fuck?  The shitty electricity went out.

I dropp my bags at the door and brace myself as I open the fridge. Big mistake. The smell of rotting chikcken, pork and a small assortment of veggies (luckily I was already out of milk) was enough to send me rushing to the bathroom dry heaving my life away.

I immediately call my co-teacher who says she will call the bulding manager and get back to me. Mind you my co-teacher is in the countryside somewhere visiting her folks for the holiday, so I’m skeptical about how much she can actually help. Before hanging up the phone she lets out a small chuckle. At the time–and even now–I fail to see what is so funny. Here I am sitting in my apartment with a fucking pillow case wrapped around my head, trying to escape the raw sewage smell that has come upon my tiny apartment like the like the plague, and she’s laughing as if I’m calling to share a funny anecdote.

Normally I can handle this type of shit. I live in an old building. The electricity seems to go out everytime it rains or the wind blows. Usually I just head over to the circuit box, flip the breakers and the problem is solved. Only when I do as such this time, nothing happens .

My co-teacher calls me back and tells me that the buildng manager is out of town (of course he is) and that the electric company reccomends that I try flipping the circuit breakers. When I inform her that I’ve alrealdy tried that, she tells me to do it again, as if magically the shit will work now that she is on the phone. Nonetheless I do it, and surprise! Nothing happens.

She calls the electric company back and they show up 30 minutes later, walk in the apartment, glance at me (pillow case head and all), tap on my circuit box with a screw driver and then leave. I just about loose it. From my window I watch them return to their truck and sit for a while before pulling off.

I again call my co-teacher and tell her that the electricians left without doing anything.
“I’s your electricity back on?” She asks.
“Oh well I heard they need to go and find a key to locate the switch that will turn the power back on in your apartment.”

Stop me if I’m not making sense, my dear readers, but why the fuck would she ask me if my power is back on if she knows they have done absolutely nothing? I love my co-teacher, I really do, but at this point I’m seriously contemplating downing a bottle of soju and and letting the obscenities fly. And I still can’t figure out why the hell she keeps laughing before hanging up the phone!

Finally I get a text from her saying I need to call some random number at eight o’clock to meet the guy with the mysterious key that will open the mythical door that leads to a land where the power switch to my apartment is. I kept imagining Frodo showing up with his Lord of the Ring homies, a few elvish hookers, and a bottle of rice wine ready to get shit faced.

I call the number at eight and wouldn’t you know the guy speaks no english whatsoever. I hang up the phone, call my co-techer back and explain what happened and she happily informs me–after chuckling again–that he already showed up and turned my power back on.

Now two days later I have washed out the fridge twice and still can still smell a faint whiff of rotting food. I love Korea.


Kimchi Dreadlocks


2 Responses to “Lights Out!”

  1. Molls September 29, 2010 at 6:07 AM #

    That is just karma comin’ back at ya for farting in my car and stinkin’ up the rainbow room!

    • Jaywoodseyo October 5, 2010 at 8:27 AM #

      Fair enough Knit Queen, fair enough.

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