Chew With Your Mouth Closed!

18 Sep

Mr. Wonderful recently wrote about his experience with a noodle slurping Korean at a PC bang. The poor bastard had to sit there and listen to a man consume his lunch as if he were eating from a trough. I feel your pain, Mr. Wonderful.

There are few things in this world that annoy me as much as loud eaters. Really, how hard can it be to simply close your mouth while chewing? I blame my mother. As a child “smacking” at the table would get you promptly slapped in the back of the head. The ordeal has scarred me for life.

I hate to generalize, but it seems Koreans have vast difficulties eating quietly. It’s not like they’re trying to be rude or annoying. In fact, I’m pretty sure they don’t even notice it.

Lunch time at my school is really a struggle. Soup is served everyday, and everyday I have to keep from flipping the fuck out on my fellow Korean teachers. I love them, but they have no clue of how much I die a little bit everyday due to their eating habits.

I’m less patient in public.

The other day I’m minding my own business, hijacking Wi Fi at the local McDonalds, and my web surfing is interrupted by some dickhead who sounds as if he is attacking his value meal rather than eating it. When I look over and realize he’s only eating french fries I just about loose it. Visions parade through my mind of me stabbing the prick in the neck with my spork. Instead I shoot him a few glares hoping he’ll get the message to close his mouth while chomping on his fries. Instead, he  smiles and offers me one, which I shamelessly accept.

Still, even though I hate a loud eater, I almost never comment on it when I’m around one. The shit does make me cringe in angst, but I would hate to give a lecture to someone on something as natural and instinctive as eating. It just isn’t right. Guess I’ll have to put up with it, at least in Korea.


Kimchi Dreadlocks


14 Responses to “Chew With Your Mouth Closed!”

  1. SuperFantabulous September 18, 2010 at 6:34 PM #

    This post made me laugh my ass off! Only in Korea would glaring at a loud eater get you a french fry.

    • Jaywoodseyo September 19, 2010 at 9:50 PM #

      Who you telling? It’s a strategy I shall try again in the future!

  2. museophelia September 18, 2010 at 8:59 PM #

    This gets on my nerves too sometimes. I’ve sat with my boyfriend and his mother for plenty of meals where their mouths are wide open. I was brought up like you, you chew with your mouth shut., Can’t really say anything though…not nice to want to tell off your boyfriend’s Korean mother…that would NEVER fly! If my kids at school do it though I ask them if they are cows in a Korean and say chew with your mouth closed!

  3. Gibbering Madness September 19, 2010 at 5:32 AM #

    Lip smacking is something I never got used to in Asia. Especially on dates. It was a real turn off to sit across from a pretty girl eating like a pig.

    • Jaywoodseyo September 19, 2010 at 9:49 PM #

      I agree. Lip smacking degrades one’s beauty.

  4. Annie at Maximum Chaos September 22, 2010 at 7:55 AM #

    I believe my sister went to HS with you (Molly). She showed me your blog and now I laugh along with her as we read your posts. Enjoy your stay!!! I look forward to your updated posts.

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    Have a wonderful evening!

    Maximum Chaos:

    • Jaywoodseyo October 7, 2010 at 9:34 AM #

      Sorry it took so long for me to reply to this comment. For some reason, WordPress tagged the comment as spam. Anyway thanks for the reward and the blog visits. I’m glad you enjoy it. I’ll try to keep the content cheeky.

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    • Jaywoodseyo October 7, 2010 at 9:36 AM #

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    • Jaywoodseyo October 7, 2010 at 10:05 AM #

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  6. blackchild October 5, 2010 at 11:39 PM #

    It was explained to me that they eat that way so they can really savor all the spices in the food.

    • Jaywoodseyo October 6, 2010 at 12:39 AM #

      Been looking for more posts from you for some time now. You really buy that shit? “So they can really savor all the spices.” I’m not sure how many spices come in a large Mcdonald’s fry order, but I’m willing to bet there’s not that much. You Still in Korea?

  7. steddy November 4, 2010 at 3:50 PM #

    Yeah, I whole-heartedly concur with the “dying a little bit every day”… The best part is, not only are they slurping and sucking, but those damned metal trays! I have to listen to the clanging of chopsticks and the scraping of the metal spoon. Not to mention almost no one speaks during meals. If they do, it’s rarely in English. And most are comments (in either language) about how much or how little of a certain food item I have taken. Guess what, folks–I can understand what you’re saaayyyinngggg….

    Naturally, when I bring this up to co-teachers or others, they deny the slurping and tell me “Um, no I don’t think we do that. It’s rude in Korea.” Check again, my friends. >.<

    Again, as you said–they are good people, and it's a cultural thing. So, I'm not going to suggest any wrongdoing. I'm just going to keep staring at my soup until the tray shows through and I can leave.

    • Kimchi Dreadlocks November 4, 2010 at 4:04 PM #

      Yes the trays are killer as well. Though I’m glad that you understand that a simple cultural difference (such as slurping and smacking) is just that, and deserves no sanctions. The best we can do is poke fun at it and finish our lunch. Thanks for the comment.

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